I am in one foul ass mood today. I don't even know if I'll be able to stand myself. It wasn't brought on by any one thing or a whole bunch of somethings. It's nothing, really.
It's one of those days where everything just feels wrong and aggravating. The ugly shit is magnified times ten thousand and I see it all. I'm disgusted but nothing covers it up.
I feel like I'm trapped and suffocating, but there's just enough air so that I won't pass out and die already.
I am put here, yeah right here or there, doesn't fucking matter much, for the whole world's entertainment, certainly not my own. Not that I've ever been much good at anything least of all entertaining myself.
I would scream if I wanted to draw attention to myself and the fact that I really have nothing to scream about.
I'm hungry for all the wrong reasons, for all the wrong shit, for the shit that will never fill me up, but instead will only make the hole in my gut emptier and bigger and probably a little more irritated.
I stand here.
I look at myself.
I acknowledge.
I acknowledge that I'll probably never do anything about any of it.
I acknowledge that sometimes the pain feels good and reminds me that I'm still the same fucked up person I've always been.
I acknowledge that this is the most honest I've been in a long time.
I acknowledge that the hunger will never go away, but starvation was never a viable option.
Yeah, I acknowledge nothing.
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I'm hoping. It's been so horrible for everyone so far. I just hope it doesn't get worse.
Oh, and I, by no means am comparing my self absorbed bullshit with what others are going through.
I'm just moody today.
Ahh, Karate Kid is on TV.
it's a cruel, cruel summer
Karate Kid! I remember that movie.
I got the funniest looks yesterday on my drive home from work. I had the windows down, and I was screaming along to Leathermouth, followed up by Motley Crue's "Livewire". I wonder what all those people outside on their front porches or walking down the sidewalk or in the car next to me thought.
Better question, I wonder what it sounded like.
I'm guessing a cross between a cat stuck in bucket with a lid on it and Lita Ford on crack.
I think that makes for one helluva Vince Neil impersonation.
I've been trying to get LHM to sit down and watch Karate Kid for months, but his cousin is next door and they're somewhere play wresting, I'm sure.
Do you know Ralp Macchio still looks exactly the same?
*gasp*
He's gonna be 48 this year!
Better question, I wonder what it sounded like.
I'm guessing a cross between a cat stuck in bucket with a lid on it and Lita Ford on crack.
O_o
Do you know Ralp Macchio still looks exactly the same?
Does he really? I haven't seen a pic of him in years.
Yep, exactly the same. Bless his little Cousin Vinny heart.
Have you seen pics of Val Kilmer recently? That man is not aging well!
I know. It's not pretty. I'm trying to think where I last saw him. Mighta been a premiere for some movie or one of these award shows.
I saw him in the local paper yesterday. At first glance I thought it was Mickey Rourke after a bender.
wax on, wax off
You know, now that I think about it. I don't think I've seen that many Val Kilmer movies.
I've seen Willow, The Doors, Batman Forever.
He used to be a very handsome man. I have found that most men, actors anyway, seem to just get better looking with age. Not so Val Kilmer, I'm afraid.
I've just flipped through some recent pics of him and it's like he's puffy, really really poofy puffy. Like maybe he's sick or an alcoholic or something. Hell, what do I know? Maybe he's just not aging gracefully.
Yes, he looks pretty puffy. Could be a medical thing, I guess.
Well, RW, I think I'm gonna go find something to eat.
I'll catch ya later on.
Have a nice stress-free afternoon!
Thank you, Solly :)
You have a lovely afternoon too!
hi porchies!
anyone around?
hi RW and solly!
solly sorry you are in a shitty ass mood! i feel you! well not literally! i feel for you!
K i wanted to say that i totally get what you wrote in the last post. i very much understand what you said and i agree, it's not worth it effecting your real life. i am so sensitive i would have been long gone for sure. what i always hate about the abuse was that people used to say "K doesn't mind, so don't worry about it." but how can you not mind that?! just cos someone is pretty tough and says it doesn't matter, it doesn't make it right for people to keep having a go endlessly. and for us all to watch it happen in some kind of awkward uncomfortable daze is horrible.
so i do understand and i'm just sorry all the shit happens. and that's all the shit at mayo's, there has been plenty of ugliness there. cos mayo's is looking pretty desperate at the moment and that is sad.
^It's why I don't go back there anymore. It sad because it started out well, but I really do think it's time to pull the plug.
PP lovely to see your name!
wow that is one huge moggy!
hope you are doing good PP!
and hi to Katherine, i've rarely talked to you, but it would be very rude of me not to say hello! hope you are good too!
hi RW!!
mayo's is desolate! i still drop in every other day for a comment or two. it's sad but i guess that is a natural progression. we meet, we make friends, we have a blast, some fall out, some more fall out, some leave for various reasons, a few more fall outs, we all know how to reach each other outside of mayo's blog, and the place just dies.
having said that i still think he writes beautifully, and i still love reading his posts and seeing how people interpret them.
and it's good to see SS pop in on occasion too.
you OK RW?!
and are we saying the karate kid actor is 48 yrs old?! WTMFF!!!
and Val looks rough. it is the puffy face isn't it? why to some people go puffy? some people age great and some shit. funny isn't it. i guess is depends on genetics and what you put in your body? makes sense.
Hi, FASC :)
Yeah, I'm okay. Just having to make some difficult decisions. It's going to be a hectic, emotionally draining month, but there are things that have to be dealt with, so there's no way around that, I'm afraid.
How are you this weekend?
and Val looks rough. it is the puffy face isn't it? why to some people go puffy?
Simon LeBon has also gone puffy, though not as puffy as Val Kilmer.
i'm OK RW. sorry for all the shit you are going through finance wise, i totally get you on the whole debt front! i daren't tell my mum how in debt we are, but it will be sorted eventually. it is scary though. we have certain options so as long as there are options i'll try not to stress!
i fucked up my contraception and had to go to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill! what a teenage move! i felt so humiliated! but i cannot have another child! seriously! so i felt sick for a day and a half, and now i have cramps and irregular bleeding that will apparantly last for the rest of this month! how horrid!
I'm sorry, FASC :( It seems that 2009 has been a shitty year so far for most of the people I know. I guess all we can do is hang in there & hope it will end better than it began!
I am needing something uplifting this weekend after the month of non-stop stress I've just had, so I am going to see Slumdog Millionaire tonight. I am looking forward to that!
Simon LeBon has also gone puffy, though not as puffy as Val Kilmer.
yes i noticed that. not a pretty look!!
well let's write off 2009 and look forward to 2010!
i can't believe how fast it goes anyway, it's bloody March tomorrow!!
am needing something uplifting this weekend after the month of non-stop stress I've just had, so I am going to see Slumdog Millionaire tonight. I am looking forward to that!
oh great RW!! i am jealous! hope you have a fab time.
i have yet to see many movies, i never caught the ones K was reviewing last year!
well let's write off 2009 and look forward to 2010!
Good idea! :) The Hobbit starts filming in 2010, that's a good thing in my books, definitely something to look forward to!
i can't believe how fast it goes anyway, it's bloody March tomorrow!!
I know!! It still feels like it's 1983 to me :/ Where do the years go, I ask you!
i have yet to see many movies, i never caught the ones K was reviewing last year!
I would like to see Milk as well, and The Reader. Maybe I'll catch one of those next weekend if they're still showing in town.
i want to see Milk, i dunno what The Reader is about? i haven't seen Iron man, The Dark Knight and many others!!
it will be DVD or Sky now!
The Reader is the film Kate Winslet won the Oscar for. She plays a woman who used to be a concentration camp guard who has an affair with a much younger man, who later finds out about her past.
Wassup Homies?
Hi, Solly :)
Iz you not gonna sign in?
Smoke and I just got done watching American Psycho. We tried to share the Christian Bale love with our Mother.
She was not impressed. Frankly, I think she might've even been a teeny bit disturbed by it all.
Ah well...
I read back through ya'll's convo about Mayo's and I'm in agreement from everything Jules said yesterday to everything that you guys just talked about.
But on a happier note, I bought new sheets today and I so can't wait to sleep on them. This time I bought the right size and everything. It's going to be fantastic!
Lovely! ^_^ What colour are they?
solly hi!!!
mother's don'ttend to like the stuff we do. well not stuff like that anyway!
The Reader is the film Kate Winslet won the Oscar for. She plays a woman who used to be a concentration camp guard who has an affair with a much younger man, who later finds out about her past.
oh kate winslet's film, i had heard about it but didn't know the name.
solly i love buying new sheets! it's on a par (almost) with buying new underwear!!
and there was a space in my above above comment obviously!
I am in love with Kate Winslet.
Just sayin...I think she is perfection.
The sheets are blue, like, not lemme see if it says what shade of blue. They had to be LHM approved and all.
Apparently, they are slate blue.
They had to be LHM approved and all.
But of course!
slate blue sounds lovely solly! like a grey/blue. nice!
glad LHM approves!
Oooh, they are in the dryer now!
RW, I can't wait for you to tell me all about Slumdog. I was surprised to see that it was playing here. Smoke and I might go check it out if you say it's worthy.
Is it really weird of me to wanna watch Hugh Jackman's opening on the Oscars again?
I ♥ Hugh
i didn't watch any of the Oscars solly. it's on a few days later here i think, or maybe i am just talking shit cos i didn't watch it?! i enjoyed your commentary on it mind!
oh i read a recent LM interview and this question was asked:
Which groups and musicians form LeATHERMOUTH's genetic makeup, and in what respect?
If Motorhead, The Bronx, and Black Flag gave birth to a child, it would be the beast that is LeATHERMOUTH.
i so totally hear "Ace of spades" whenever i listen to "Catch me if you can!" the NYPD aint got shit on me!! no rest, no rest, no FUCKING arrest!!"
and i have never noticed Frank not being able to say he "R's" but he doesn't do his "R's" right whilst screaming! not that i care, just never noticed that before?!
FASC,
I'm gonna have to listen for that. I haven't noticed that, since all I can usually hear is the screaming.
RW, I can't wait for you to tell me all about Slumdog. I was surprised to see that it was playing here. Smoke and I might go check it out if you say it's worthy.
I shall let you know, Solly :) It has been highly recommended to me by everyone I know who has seen it.
Bye, FASC :) Have a good evening!
bye RW!
Love you Guys!
Catch ya'll later!
Bye, Solly :) Enjoy your day!
I swear to God, I keep looking at the word "appetite" and it just doesn't look right, whatever that fucking means. I even second guessed myself and had to go look it up and make sure I spelled it correctly. And I was thinking to myself, surely my very good Blog Friends would have corrected me if I had indeed spelled it incorrectly, but then I thought, well maybe they just felt weird and sorry for me.
But....
I was right, so all that thinking was wasted.
And, so it goes.
Oooo! A sign of life!
Hi, Solly :)
RW,
Didja go see Slumdog?
Nope. Was feeling just too drained to go out. So i got me a tub of Hagen-Daaz and I'm going to have a baff, then watch me some Lord of the Rings.
Whatchoo up to this evening?
Just watchin pretty much nothing on TV. Getting ready to go to bed early again. Oh what a wild life I lead.
Come to think of it, I am pretty sleepy myself. That's what I get for getting up early on a weekend >_<
LHM woke me up this morning at a little after 8.
The time changes next weekend and I think I'm ready for it. I love longer days.
Next week?? Really? The time change is that soon?
That means spring is nearly here - HUZZAH!!
I know! I'm ready for spring!
It's raining here tonight and it's making me sleepy. I think I'm going to head on to bed, RW.
I hope you get a really good night's sleep!
Thank you, Solly :) You too!
♥
For S&V, next time she's on
Has it really come to this?
Am I really watching NASCAR right now?
Seriously?
Anyone else around Crazyville?
Smoke,
Like my pic? Muahahah! I still laugh at us trying to get our Mother to watch American Psycho.
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